Day 6 on ‘The 5 Empathic Skills For Emotions (Part 2)’ of ‘Emotions’ Chapter
From Remembering Series
[Listen to the audio here with guided alignment at the end]
…Continuing the 5 Empathic Skills to navigate with emotions from Part 1, based on the book ‘The Language of Emotions’ by Karen Mclaren, where the first skill is ‘getting grounding’; the second skill is ‘defining your boundaries’.
The third skill: Burning Contracts
As we are grounded with healthy boundary, we are able to observe our behaviours. Burning contracts is where we burn our behavioural contracts with strong emotions so you can reorganise behaviours and your emotional flow.
Begin by focusing and grounding yourself, illuminating your boundary with bright colour. Imagine unrolling a large piece of blank parchment paper right in front of you where this parchment brings a calming feeling with a gentle colour to absorb whatever you place onto it. Keep this roll of parchment inside your personal boundary for now. With your parchment in front of you, project, speak, write or envision your distress into it. How you feel, how you express yourself, how you think, what you are suppose to think onto the parchment. You can project spiritual expectations or entire relationships onto the parchment too. When these ideas are out in front of you, you begin to separate from them. In this sacred space, you see yourself as an individual who decides to act, relate or behave in certain ways, which can decide to act and behave differently.
When the emotions arises within you, it means you are awaken to the process by bringing the emotion forward to help you separate from these entrapping ideas and behaviours. Welcome your emotions as you move them out of the shadows of habit to your conscious control.
If your first parchment is full, move it aside and create a fresh one. And keep working through the situation until you feel sense of completion, where your parchment is full with words, images, feelings or sounds, then roll it up. This parchment is the contract you have with this behaviour, belief, attitude, so roll it tightly so the content can’t be seen or heard, so it becomes less powerful. Tie your contract with your cord if it feels right. Imagine tossing it outside of your boundary and away from you. When it lands, imagine it burning with whatever emotional energy that feels right. You can choose to blast it with anger, strike it with fear or engulf it with sadness or use depressive energy to funeralise it. When the contract is burned to dust, redirect your focus to grounding then brighten your personal boundary again.
The fourth skill: Conscious Complaining
Karen mentioned how most people are so uncomfortable in their own skin so they can’t let us be uncomfortable in ours, people tend to stop us, fix us or help us to see the world in a lighter mode, which is one form of repression if we are in a foul mood. With conscious complaining, we know what are the problems then it allow us to restore our flow.
You can start with a phrase “I am complaining now!” You can complain to the walls, furniture, mirror, plants, animals, tree, sky, ground or your god. Karen suggests to create a complaining shrine for yourself with supportive pictures of grumpy cats, barking dogs or anything which represents your complaining nature.
Once you have got your site, let yourself go and just voice out your dejection, hopeless, sarcastic, nasty self. allow yourself to whine and swear your frustrations, stupidities, impossibilities, and absurdities of your situation as long as you like. Until you feel complete, give thanks to whatever you have been whining at. End the session by bowing or shaking off to make it fun.
Why do so?
We give a voice to our struggles where it restores our flow and energy. It allows us to break through the stagnation and repression without recurring. Once the truth are told, it gets clear and there is no hurting someone’s feeling due to the solitary practice. It is a healing practice because we get to the real issues from within, then when it is restored, it is over. Then move on to the next emotion.
Instead of using positive affirmations which might be a quick fix without getting to the real issue or truth. Like how you are telling yourself how to feel instead of feeling the way you feel. Positive statement works if it is true and resonate to us. If we have conflicting statement with strong emotions, we are setting a war within. While conscious complaining don’t sugarcoat things, just being with what is and as ourselves.
The fifth skill: Rejuvenating Yourself
This final skill helps to refresh ourselves so we can meet new experience with focus and intention. It is simple to practice and this can be as long as you can.
When you are seated, ground yourself as you breathe in. Now, lean forward for a good posture and imagine your personal boundary is filled with light at your arm’s length distance from your body, at your side, front-bank, up and below you.
Now, in your personal space, between your body and the edge of your boundary, imagine your favourite place in the world at the favourite time of the day. You may feel yourself in the mountain or on an island as you smell and feel this scene in a relaxing pleasure manner.
Breathe this nature sensation around you into your body as you take a deep breath. Imagine and feeling when you are in your favourite place, breathe into your chest, to you arms, your hands, your belly to your lower belly down to your legs and feet. Breathe into your chest, and up to your neck, your face, your head as you fill yourself with this peaceful sensation.
When you feel full, soften your emotions and relax your body. You may stay here as long as you like. When you feel complete, bend over and touch the floor with both hands and let your head hang down. Just relax and you are done. Bring this awareness to you wherever you go.
This is how we soothe ourselves like how we take a nap and how we soothe touch ourselves.
Remember to bring more awareness into our daily life where we are conscious when we spend time on entertainment on either TV or internet. Where you can simply ask, “Have I fall into an addictive cycle?” Remind yourself on your priorities in life, then you can decide where you want to fit these activities into life.
“If a change benefits you, you probably like change, but if it doesn’t, you may see change as troublesome. If you’re happy with the way things are, you probably love stasis, but if you’re desperate for change, you might see stasis as a tormentor.”
[Listen to the guided practice here]
Karen also reminds us how important is it to be patience when we are changing a behaviour. Understand that change and stasis are equal partners in life, so welcome both. You are completely in charge of this process. Listen to yourself, make room for the voice of your stasis, and make changes at your own pace.
Our goal is wholeness, not perfection.
May you enjoy the process of embracing your emotions.