My Personal Stories on Silence 关于我沉默与‘静’的故事

Tirtah Quddus Farm, Pahang

[Listen to 13 mins Audio on Soundcloud]

My First Silence:

Well, I would say my first encounter of real silence & sound would be in the womb of my mom’s belly where heartbeat is the one constant beat between sound and silence for months.

Moving to an Oppressive Silence:

Throughout the growing journey, I learned to be in silence in an oppressive way where to be loved and accepted by loved ones, I chose to cry in silence after certain episodes of life. I chose to be in silent after hearing arguments to not cause trouble. Sometimes, I chose to be alone when I am terribly mad and kept hitting the wall out of frustrations. The truth is, I did not know how to express such emotions properly in way that does not hurt myself and others at that time. So, I slowly learned to keep things to myself most of the time.

My Fear of Silence:

I was afraid of silence since young, I was super afraid of being alone at home where I would lock myself in the room, check the gap of the door to see if there were any shadows passing by. The mind imagination has run wild, I remember I was even scared of my own closet, thinking if monsters will come out from the closet door. Thus, I constantly keep the TV or radio on to keep my accompany when I was alone.

The Sound of the Huge Bell:

It was during my first visit to a temple in Korea, I recalled there was a huge bell, as someone ring the bell, the vibration of the bell woke me up as if the such vibration stroke straight to every cells in my heart space. Tears were flowing down on my face – there was a sense of familiarity yet touching. It was 8 years ago (in 2012) and since then, the sound of bell engrave inside the Heart of mine. Silence has been a good friend I am always looking for. Yet, at times, I would avoid it..

The first 10 days of Noble Silence:

Moving to 4 years ago (in 2016), I experienced a Noble Silence of 10 days with Vipassana meditation. That is where I get to taste a minimum silence from the external noise and focus on the internal silence. That is where the observation of thoughts and sensations practice begin.

The Starting of Joy of Silence:

With the guidance of Eckhart Tolle’s book – “A New Earth”, this was the starting point of experiencing the joy of silence. Thus, I am forever grateful for such creation and space plus the heartfelt guidance of the teachers.

My First meditation experience:

Mostly Vipassana breathing technique, feeling the sensations, and some guided versions, I started to cultivate a habit of observing of the mind activities, letting it come and go, those were the conscious moment. I felt peaceful and calm. With time, it has changes my way of responding to certain emotions like anger.

A Confession:

On the flip side, there were many unconscious time, where I would delve in the thoughts of the past and future, re-engage my habits of thinking thus lead to repeated behaviour which would considered as unhealthy behaviours and addictions such as binge watching and eating.

Seeking to Maintain the practice:

Since 2016, I have had the record of practising silence or meditation, for months but it often did not sustain for more than a year, especially when I was out of home or a change of environment. I would forgo the practice and then at certain point, I would resume the practice. So, with different trials and errors on various meditations I have been experiencing (both active and passive meditation), I have been seeking for a solution, a way for me to maintain it as my daily practice. With the initiative of ‘Reconnect & Recharge’ with my partner of creation – Ca-Ryn since 2016, I learned that – to connect and relate to others, I need to connect and relate to myself first. That’s the first step.

Now? So far so good:

Thanks to the global pandemic in 2020, during the first few months of lockdown, I was at home hosting and attending online sessions. Thanks to a relationship which led to a break-up during the Spring season, I started to re-read Dr Joe Dispenza books I have paused for a long time: “Breaking The Habit of Becoming Yourself” and “Becoming Supernatural: How Common People Are Doing The Uncommon” – I discovered and learned about how the brain works plus with certain elevated emotions, we can transform, to be in a new state of being. With Dr Joe Dispenza’s guided meditations (thanks to Lee who shared most of the meditations), I was able to maintain the practice of meditation before sleep and after awake since July 2020.

After 4 months, now, I have shifting from guided meditation to meditate from inner guidance, much thanks to the daily alignment of Yo Soy guided by Matias De Stephano. My days has not gone through like what I wish to be, I am diving deep to understand my blocks (emotional baggages) and working to align daily. Restarting, resetting – every day.

You are invited:

With patience and practice, I invite you, and welcome your presence to practice daily silence (and expression) to co-create a collective balance habit of silence and expression.

Links to Meditation, People & Books mentioned:
-> Vipassana meditation;
-> Eckhart Tolle‘s book – “A New Earth”;
-> Dr Joe Dispenza books: “Breaking The Habit of Becoming Yourself” & “Becoming Supernatural: How Common People Are Doing The Uncommon”.
-> Yosoy.red Alignment guided by Matias De Stephano

My co-creation:

-> ‘Reconnect & Recharge‘ with Ca-Ryn
-> Daily Silence


Take care!
– Abhya –

关于我沉默与‘静’的故事:

Boh Tea, Cameron Highlands

[聆听:十六分钟的Soundcloud伴音]

我的第一个沉默:我真正的沉默和声音是在妈妈肚子里,几个月来的心跳声音。

走向压抑的沉默:在整个成长过程中,我学会了以压抑的方式保持沉默,为了被爱人爱和接受的过程中,我选择在生活中的某些情节后保持沉默,尤其是父母争吵后或被责骂后。为了不引起麻烦,我选择一个人哭泣。有时候,当我非常生气时,为了发泄,我会不断地打墙壁。事实是,我不怪罪任何人,只是当时我不知道该如何恰当地表达这种情绪,以至于不会伤害自己和他人。因此,我慢慢地学会了把情绪都留给自己。

我对沉默的恐惧:我从小就害怕沉默:而且,我非常害怕一个人呆在家里,自己会将自己锁在房间里,检查门下的缝隙,看是否有影子经过。头脑中充满想象力。我记得我什至害怕自己的衣橱,想着是否怪物会从衣橱门中跑出来。因此,当我独自一人时,我会一直打开电视或收音机以声音陪伴我。

钟声的回音:我第一次去韩国的一座寺庙时,有一个巨大的钟声,当有人敲响钟时,铃铛的振动似乎唤醒了我从睡梦中,仿佛这种振动声直打向我心脏的每一个细胞。眼泪也从我的脸上流下来-有​​一种亲切而又动人的感觉。那是8年前(在2012年),从那时起,钟声就就是我对‘静’的代表。安静-是我一直在寻找好友。但是,有时我也会避免它。。

第一个寂静的十天:在4年前(2016年),我通过内观禅修经历了十天的寂静- 不言不语。那是我第一次在没有噪声的自然环境中,专注于内部清静。这就是我学习观察思想和身体自觉感应的时候。

寂静之乐的开始:在埃克哈特·托勒(Eckhart Tolle)的著作《新世界》的指导下,与内观的历练,这是体验寂静之乐的起点。因此,我永远感谢各位老师们的创造以及的衷心的指导。

第一个冥想经历:主要是内观呼吸法,身体感应和一些指导性的冥想版本,我开始养成观察思想的习惯,就如云般的,让它来,让它去,这是有意识的时刻。我感到和平与平静。随着时间的流逝,它也改变了我对某些情绪(例如愤怒)的反应。

坦然自白:另一方面,也是有很多在没有意识的时间,我会沉入过去和担心未来的思想,重复投入我的思维习惯,从而导致持续一些‘不健康’的行为,例如暴食甜食和不停的看剧。

寻求保持练习方式:自从2016年以来,我有几个月的练习静默或冥想的记录,但通常并不能维持很长时间,尤其是当我出门在外或环境变化时。我会放弃练习,然后在某个时候恢复练习。由于我对各种冥想(主动和被动冥想)都经历了不同的试验和尝试,我一直在寻找一个方案,可以将其作为日常练习的一种方式。也自2016年,在我与创作伙伴Ca-Ryn的“Reconnect & Recharge”创作中,我学会了,如果要与他人建立联系,我需要首先与自己建立关系。这是第一步。

现在?有待进步:由于2020年的全球全球流感,在封锁时刻的前几个月里,我在家中主持和参加在线会议。也因我当时的伴侣分离,我开始重新阅读已经停顿了很长时间的书,作者是喬.迪斯本札博士(Dr Joe Dispenza),书名:”未來預演:啟動你的量子改變“ 和“开启你的惊人天赋:科学证实你能活出极致美好的人生状态” – 我发现并更加了解了大脑的运作(意向)以及提高的情绪,经过冥想,我们可以转变为新的状态。以喬.迪斯本札博士(Dr Joe Dispenza) 的指导冥想(感谢分享了大部分冥想的Lee),从2020年7月开始我已保持在睡眠前和清醒后的冥想习惯。四个月后,现在我已从指导冥想转向来自内部指导冥想,这要归功于马蒂亚斯(Matias De Stephano)指导的Yo Soy‘我是’的每日调整。我的日子并不是天天如我所愿,我也正在深入了解我自己(恐惧以及情绪上的负担),每日二‘静’,每天重新开始。

邀请你入’静‘:以耐心和练习,在此邀请你,并欢迎你的光临,共同营造每日一’静‘和表达的自己的平衡习惯。

建议更深入了解:
-> 十天的内观静坐 (Vipassana Meditation);
-> 埃克哈特·托勒(Eckhart Tolle)的《新世界》(A New Earth);
-> 喬.迪斯本札博士(Dr Joe Dispenza)- 书名:”未來預演:啟動你的量子改變“ (Breaking the Habit of Becoming Yourself) 和“开启你的惊人天赋:科学证实你能活出极致美好的人生状态” (Becoming Supernatural);
-> 马蒂亚斯(Matias De Stephano)指导的Yo Soy‘我是’的每日调整

我的创作:
-> Reconnect & Recharge (与创作伙伴Ca-Ryn)
-> 每日一’静‘ (Daily Silence)

祝福你,
阿比亚

Published by Abbhya 阿比亚 Pan Vic Qi

One sharing and supporting unity consciousness

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